Heuristic

It overwhelms me. It is everything.

Waking up, walking outside, working in this world,

waiting for time to pass,

Everything launches a flurry of questions and thoughts through my head,

“Who am I?” “What is my purpose?” “What can I achieve?”

They taunt me, vex me, take form of darkness,

“What is this world?” “What does it mean for me?” “Why can’t I get out of bed?”

They dominate my thoughts and run through my head,

control me.

And every decision becomes an escape,

A reaction to avoid and tune out reality,

to ignore the dark truths that may be difficult,

Tactics fail. Only addressing these dark fears that

govern my thoughts.

They seek to control as if they own,

fear every mistake amounts to nothing,

fear there is no deeper purpose in my life,

fear of the terrible decisions I’ve made leading up to now,

It all comes tumbling down.